I could no best attending at myself in the mirror.

So declared Kim Kardashian this morning in a beauteous about-face of events, as the absoluteness brilliant accepted her alliance to Kris Humphries was a exploited scam; agreed to pay her ex a $20 actor adjustment and again alone a final affliction on fans: she will abstain all red carpets and publicity opportunities for a year.

"I've been active a lie for too long," Kim said. "I bought Ray J that video camera. I apprehend cue cards on E!. My administrator calls the paparazzi any time I'm in a bikini. Heck, I can't alike get dressed in the morning after my mom cogent me what to wear."

Kardashian added that she and her sisters advice abridged editors appear up with allegedly atrocious headlines, blame sales of those annual and again demography to their blogs to abnegate the rumors and accumulate accord from fans.

It's a annular tactic that Kim says she abstruse from above best acquaintance Paris Hilton, adding:

"Those tabloids fabricated money, their advisers kept their jobs, my ancestors came out as the victim. My Facebook followers alike believed I was absolutely affectionate in them. Everybody was winning... or so I thought. Turns out, my body had been absent a continued time ago."

Kim says she will accord all the money she's becoming from Tweeting artefact names to those who accustomed QuickTrim because they believed it was a advantageous weight accident supplement.

"Come on," she scoffed. "It's not alike FDA approved. I'm a multi-millionaire with no absolute job. I absent all this weight because I had the time to assignment out and the money to pay a claimed trainer."

It's taken a actual continued time, but THG applauds Kim Kardashian for assuredly cogent the accuracy about all the fallacies in her life. We'd additionally like to say...

... Yeah, right.

HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY!